The Call

One of the great privileges about turning forty, is going in for a mammogram. Oh, the joy.

It is an uncomfortable and awkward moment that you want to end quickly.  I went last month and she (the tech)said I would receive the letter about the results. I thought nothing of it until ten days later when I received The Call.

My heart pinched.  The nurse informed me that I had to return again for more pictures. I asked why and she was very vague. She kept telling me not to worry and this happens to 30% of women. The statistic she told me didn't help. I had to make an appointment and the next available one was January 15. I received The Call on Dec. 22.

The following day. The radiologist gave me more information. She informed me that I have a 7mm asymmetrical focal in my breast. The tears ran down my face even though I wasn't sure what that meant. She too told me not to worry and 9 out of 10 women are fine. Again that didn't help. My mind immediately went to the worst case scenario.

I went down What If Lane, which is the worst thing to do. And more tears came and panic. I prayed and told the Lord this is not what I want. Yes, I want a deep faith and a full joy but just in a different way.

I called two friends who put my eyes back on Christ, which is the best thing to do. Our flesh can take over so quickly that we lose perspective. Seriously, I'm a child of God. I know I'm going to see Christ and I love Him.  Get a hold of yourself. Why am I panicking? Because as my dad would say, "We are still in the flesh."

My eyes went to the things of man instead of the things of God. Once I started to remember who my God is, the worries of this situation began to fade. The Lord brought me to this passage in Lamentations 3.

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion. "I called on your name, O LORD, from the depths of the pit; you heard my pleas, 'Do not close your ear to my cry for help!" You came near when I called on you; you said, 'Do not fear!' Lamentations 3:21-24, 31-32. 56-57.

I love God because every time we open His word He is speaking to us. He is reminding us of who He is. We don't need to fear because He is with us and will always be with us. He has already paved the road for  us we just have to trust Him and walk faithfully. Yes, are there scary moments, of course. He knows this but when we remember Him we can walk with confidence. We are all going home. Some are going earlier than others and some later but Christ is taking us to heaven.

It took a few days but my mind set shifted. It went from no to okay, Lord, your will not mine. It's okay whatever you decide. I'm thankful that He is patient with me. I'm thankful that He is rooting out the sin and stubbornness in my heart. And I'm thankful that He saved me.

I ended up getting an earlier appointment on Dec. 31. Again, this was the Lord's work and I'm amazed at His grace and mercy to me and us each day. We are undeserving.

Even though I knew the truths of God's word, I was still nervous. I think that is okay because the Lord knows this and as long as we sing a hymn or recite a verse we are clinging to Him and He is comforting us. I had another uncomfortable mammogram and awkward ultrasound because the tech decided to take a phone call while I'm on the bed. Don't worry about me lying here exposed while you talk to DMV.

But I think the Lord has a great sense of humour as He wanted me to relax and laugh.

Friends, I'm rejoicing because I am fine. It was nothing. But God would still be good even if it was something.

He reminded me that He is in control of all things. And all I need to do is rest in His sovereignty.

Remember our lives our penned by God, and lived out by us for His glory.